IMPACT Players National Director Warren Mainard spoke at a Liberty Road Foundation luncheon recently on the topic - Be A Man! The narrative says men are the problem and there is a problem with men... it's time to change the narrative.

Transcript

Warren Mainard: "Michael Landon is my dad." 

I said, "What are you talking about?" One of the men in one of our IMPACT Coaching Cohorts called Dad Coaching, when I asked the guys this question, "Tell me about your dad?"

He said, "Michael Landon is my dad."

I thought there's something not quite right here. Tell me more. "What do you mean by 'Michael Landon is my dad'?"

And he said, "Well, Warren, I was your typical latchkey kid. My mom worked all the time. My dad was not in the picture at all. And so every day I would come home from school and I would turn on the television and I would watch the Little House on the Prairie and everything that I learned about being a man, being a husband, and being a father, I learned from watching Michael Landon on Little House on the Prairie."

And for him, this successful, good looking man who seemed to have it all together on the outside, he was carrying a lot of baggage with him into his marriage and now as a dad himself, and he was desperate to grow. And that why he was a part of our IMPACT Players Dad Coaching Cohort.

In another group with another man, a man shared the devastating pain that he was experiencing because he had a daughter who had chosen to not have anything to do with him and his wife anymore. The reasons are pretty familiar for us in this world that we're living in today. She had chosen a different gender and sexual identity, and because of his traditional biblical beliefs, she had said, I don't want anything to do with you anymore. And so for him, this was a place to find encouragement and prayer with other men who were struggling with those same kind of conversations with their children, adult children oftentimes as well.

Another man had been divorced and remarried, and because of his extensive sexual history, intimacy with his wife had had become very, very difficult. Because of this, he didn't know that there were other men who were struggling in the areas of intimacy as well. And so because of our cohort entitled Good Sex, Great SEXpectations, he was able to find a group of men who he could talk about these kind of hard to talk about conversations.

And another group, we had a man who grew up in a home with no barriers whatsoever. In fact, his dad was the one that introduced him to drugs at a young age. It wasn't long before he ended up on the street as a meth addict. And after going through a recovery program, he found himself wanting to be a better man, a better husband, and a better father for his own two children. He came to one of our IMPACT breakfasts in Everett, and a month later he came to know Christ and now he's a part of our Battle Grounds Coaching Cohort, fighting for his children, fighting to be the dad that he never had in his own life.

These are stories that we're hearing over and over and over again through IMPACT Players. And oftentimes it comes back to this simple statement: be a man! Be a man! We hear that over and over again. How often have you heard the expressions man up, grab your man card, go to the man cave. Stop mansplaining me. It's likely you've heard or said some of these statements before, but we live in an age where people have less idea of what it means to be a man than ever before. There was a day when people would look to John Wayne, they would look to Rambo, and they would say, this is the established picture of what it means to be a man. But these days, the jury is split on John Wayne. Some people think he should be admired and emulated, but a lot of people think that he's toxic and should be canceled.

So whatever your thoughts about John Wayne, and I'm sure you have some, I think we can all agree that to be a man means something more than just to wear a cowboy hat. To be a man means something more than to wear boots and chaps, to be quick on the draw. To be a man means more than being the CEO of your company. It means more than being the quarterback of the football team. It means more than being a leader in your organization. None of these things make you a man. They're outcomes, but they're not the essence of what true manhood really is. Chris Harper, who is the CEO of Better Man, he says that in the 1970s it was, 'I don't need a man.' In the 1990s, it was, 'I don't want a man.' But in 2024, it is 'What is a man?'

What is a man? That is the question of our age. Dr. Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate, along with other so-called experts, have filled social media and gathering halls with throngs of men who are desperate to find the answer to this question. What does it mean to be a man? And because of their polarity, because of their confidence and their certainty about their answers, men are flocking to hear these speakers holding a hammer, wanting to nail down anything they can about manhood with certainty. Now, to be clear, IMPACT Players has entered into this space trying to help men answer this question, what does it mean to be a man? For IMPACT Players, we believe that our calling is to inspire men to be great husbands, fathers, and leaders by equipping them to thrive in the relationships that matter most. But being a husband doesn't make you a man. Being a father doesn't make you a man. Being a leader doesn't make you a man, but what kind of man you are will be revealed through those relationships.

Take for instance the story of Johnny Manzel, AKA Johnny Football, the star quarterback and Heisman Trophy winner for Texas A&M University. He mesmerized thousands of people with his ability to maneuver on the football field and to throw touchdowns, and he worked his way into being a first round draft picked in the NFL. And yet just a couple short years later, he had washed out of the NFL and had made a total disaster of his life. In the Netflix documentary Untold Johnny Football, it describes how this gap between his immense talent and ability and his lack of character and maturity prevented him from being able to capitalize on all that he had going for him. In fact, he said that as a result of this deep insecurity that existed within him, he went on a $5 million bender. Can you imagine spending $5 million partying and drinking within less than a year? That's what he did. What Manzel discovered as his world came crashing down was the emptiness and the insecurity that he felt deep inside of him was not being filled with these worldly marks of manhood, but it was actually growing like a deadly cancer inside of him. Feeding the pain with pleasure was only making him more empty than he was before. Sadly, Johnny Football is not alone in this generation of Peter Pans who refused to grow up and accept the responsibility and maturity of manhood.

Business leaders pay attention. If you want a more motivated and effective workplace, you better be contributing to the wellbeing of men. Today's men are more likely than women to fall behind in school to be unemployed, to abuse alcohol and drugs, to end up homeless or in prison, or to take their lives by committing suicide. The research and the statistics on this problem are astounding. Consider the research in just four areas of life.

Number one, loneliness and isolation. According to a study published in the American Journal of Men's Health, men are more likely than women to report feeling lonely. With 35% of men in the United States experiencing loneliness, more than one out of every three persons in any given room is experiencing chronic loneliness. Men have been identified as the loneliest segment in our culture today, and a study published in the Archives of Internal Medicine showed that loneliness can have the same health effects as smoking 15 cigarettes every single day.

Number two, mental health and suicide. The American Psychological Association reports that men are less likely than women to seek help for mental health issues. Why? It's not manly. And as a result, this leads to higher rates of undiagnosed depression and other mental illnesses. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, men die by suicide at a rate four times higher than that of women. And the number two cause of death for young men between the ages of 15 and 29 is death by suicide and entirely preventable cause of death is number two for young men, ages 15 to 29.

Number three, education. The National Center for Education Statistics found boys are more likely than girls to be diagnosed with learning disabilities and less likely to graduate from high school and college or any higher education. A study published by the Journal of Education showed that there is a widening gender gap in high school education enrollment and college education enrollment, and that women comprise the majority of college students in many countries. I saw this with my own eyes. When my daughter went to college at Grand Canyon University, it was three to one women to men on that Christian campus.

Number four, spiritual men are leaving the church and the church is losing men. The typical US congregation draws a crowd that is 61% women and 39% men. One out of every four Christian married women go to church without their husband. 70%, of all men say that they feel unequipped and unprepared to lead their homes spiritually and are not involved in any kind of a religious group whatsoever.

We could go on and on, but you get it. Men are constantly being told that they are the problem, that just being masculine is toxic. In the book, The Toxic War on Masculinity, Nancy Pearcy writes, "According to media researcher Jim McNamara, 75% of all media representations of men portrayed them as villains, aggressors, perverts, and philanderers." According to a USA today article, at today's university's masculinity is almost never discussed except in negative terms, usually when the word 'toxic' is attached.

Younger men who are growing up surrounded by charges of toxic masculinity are especially likely to feel defensive and defeated. In the Wall Street Journal, Omaar writes, "In my practice as a psychotherapist, I have seen an increase of depression in young men who feel emasculated in a society that is hostile to masculinity." Some of this criticism is well earned, and especially within the Christian realm. Christian men have perpetrated a lot of hurt and a lot of harm over the last few decades, and the examples are numerous, but Nancy Pearcy has revealed an astonishing revelation when it comes to the reality of this picture that Christian men are just as bad, if not worse, than their secular counterparts. According to Pearcy, there is a vast difference that exists within Christianity between what she calls the nominal man and what I call the phenomenal man. It turns out that the most toxic man in a marriage or a family is the nominal man.

Nominal men are those who check the box of Christianity as their faith, but they do not regularly attend church, and they do not practice spiritual disciplines on a regular basis. According to Pearcy, nominals wives report the lowest levels of happiness. Nominals are the least engaged with their children. Nominals have the highest rate of divorce, 20% higher than secular men and nominals report the highest rate of domestic abuse and violence than any other group, even higher than secular couples. Sociologist Brad Wilcox summarizes his findings in Christianity today saying, "The most violent husbands in America are nominal evangelical Christian men who attend church infrequently or not at all. The most dangerous man in our culture today is the man who claims to be a Christian and yet is not living out his faith and practicing it in a faith community." This is the nominal man. We'll talk about the phenomenal man in just a moment, but first, let's revisit this cultural crisis of manhood a little further.

Go back to Johnny Football, Johnny Manzel. What would it look like if Johnny Manzel had had an older, wiser mentor? Or even better yet, a group of men who were investing in him, helping him to identify what it means to be a man of God, a man of character? What difference would that have made in his life? Would Johnny Football still be zipping touchdown passes in the NFL today? We don't know, but we know this, he would certainly be leaving a much better impact on the world around him.

The narrative about manhood that our world is pushing is twofold. Men are the problem, and there is a problem with men. But what if we changed the narrative? What if instead of telling men that they are the problem, we begin to inspire men to believe that they can be a part of the solution? What if inspiring men to be great husbands, fathers, and leaders became our battle cry? How might that transform our marriages, our families, our churches, and our communities?

I believe that this is the call of IMPACT Players, and as Pearcy says, "There is hope for men when you take a closer look. It turns out that the Christian approach to manhood is by far the best one out there." She says, "Compared to secular men, devout Christian family, men who attend church regularly are more loving husbands and more engaged fathers with the lowest rates of divorce or domestic violence of any major group in America." So how do we get there? How do we turn the tide? I believe it begins with men, especially older men, fathers, and spiritual fathers. We need the generation that I'm a part of and older to begin investing in these young men. We need to begin investing in men in their thirties and forties who are trying to figure out what does it mean to be a husband and a father and a leader.

In ancient Israel, the blessing was one of the most treasured gifts that a father could give his son. It was more than just the passing on of an inheritance. It was more than just an affirmation, but it was a charge to live out and carry out the values of the previous generation. This is what David did for Solomon in first Kings chapter two, verse two, and I think it's an inspiration for all of us who want to pass on the true value of manhood, the godly value of manhood to the next generation. David said to Solomon, "Be strong and show yourself a man and keep the charge of the Lord your God. Walking in his ways and keeping his statutes, his commandments, his rules and his testimonies that you may prosper in all you do, and wherever you turn, be strong and show yourself a man." These are the words of a father to a son who is entrusting a kingdom to him, every man should aspire to this charge to understand what it means to truly be strong.

A man is only as strong as his faith in God. A man is only as strong as his ability to know the word of God and to live it out on a daily basis. This is what the IMPACT study The Marks of Manhood is all about; inspiring men to understand what it looks like to be a man through the biblical instruction that God gives us. In our study, we've identified 10 characteristics of an IMPACT Player, 10 characteristics of a man of God. And I'll read these as we bring this to a close - 10 Characteristics of an IMPACT Player:

Number one, ferociously faithful. We will embrace every commitment and honor every responsibility laid before us, learning to love the grind and love the process.

Number two, intentional leadership. We will be thermostats, not thermometers, setting the temperature where we live, work, learn, and play.

Number three, relentless pursuit. We will pursue and cherish the heart of God, our wives, children, and the people we care about. We will make the first move.

Number four, wholly integrated. We will not live compartmentally, but wholly integrated lives, heart, soul, mind, and body with God's spouse, family, and others.

Number five, courageous conviction. We will not back down from what we believe to be true. Even if the world comes against us, we will stand and fight.

Number six, linking shields. We will fight together, fight for one another, and pull other men from isolation.

Number seven, audacious authenticity. We will be so sincere and so vulnerable that it obliterates masks and pulls others out of fake living and imposter syndromes.

Number eight, unshakable foundation. We will build our lives, marriages, family, and businesses on the solid rock that cannot be shaken.

Number nine, sacrificial love. We will lay down our lives, preferences and desires as humble shepherds and servant kings.

And number ten, impact multiplication. We will train up other men, sons, daughters, and future generations to make an impact and leave a legacy.

How do men reclaim their masculine identity? It's through the word of God being applied in every area of their life. As husbands, as fathers, as leaders in their marriages, in their families and their communities. That's what it means to be an IMPACT Player. To not just be a man, but to be a phenomenal man. Thank you.