About this Episode -

All of us are looking for clarity in our lives. Who are we? What are we supposed to do? What's next? IMPACT Players welcomes clarity coach, Dave Kobelin, to our podcast today. Dave is an experienced and gifted leader, consultant, and coach as well as a fellow IMPACT Player! Dave will be speaking at the IMPACT Players Breakfast gathering on Thursday, January 21st, 2021 at 7am at SAMBICA.

If you are interested in getting in touch with Dave about his work as a clarity coach, you can reach him at [email protected] or 360-929-1845. You can also visit his website at davekobelin.com to learn more.

To find out more about IMPACT Players, visit www.impactplayers.org.

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Transcript - 

Warren Mainard: Hello and welcome to the very first IMPACT Players podcast. My name is Warren Mainard. I am the Executive Director of IMPACT Players in Bellevue, Washington. I'm currently on a little getaway trip to Phoenix, Arizona, but I'm excited to do our first show and episode with a great guest and a wonderful friend of mine, Dave Kobelin. Dave will be the first speaker of the year for our 2021 IMPACT Players Breakfast gatherings. Our first breakfast is happening right around the corner on Thursday, January the 21st at 7:00AM. We're going to be offering this live and in person at SAMBICA as well as an online option through Zoom. So, really thrilled to have Dave here with us as we talk about the theme for this month, which is clarity and calling. And really there's no better person for me to reach out to on this subject than Dave Kobelin who is indeed a clarity and calling coach. Dave, welcome to the show. Tell us a little bit about yourself and what you're doing these days.

Dave Kobelin: Thanks, Warren. It is great to be here. And I, it was weird, even as you said, 2021, I just had to stop and I don't know, collect that; 2021 seems like an amazing year, and so I know it's going to be a great one. Hey, as I mentioned, I am doing well. I'm actually in the middle of a transition myself. We're in the process of getting real clarity about where we are going to be moving next. My family and I, we moved down three and a half years ago to take care of my mom, and that assignment has passed as she has gone to be with Jesus. We're rejoicing for her and now we're actually looking and at getting and establishing some clarity as to where we're going to go in the context of location. I know I'm going to continue to do what I'm doing now which is helping people, businesses, organizations get clarity as well as discover their unique calling. So, staying busy and learning a whole new part of life that comes with being an executor of an estate and figuring everything out that goes along with that.

Warren Mainard: Yeah. Thank you, Dave. And, you know, as a friend, it's been a joy for me to be able to walk with you as you've gone through some of those difficult challenges over the last year. You and I have shared a little bit of the similarities that we had with, with my dad, with your mom.

Dave Kobelin: Yes.

Warren Mainard: And it's good to have friends and brothers, and that's what IMPACT Players, of course, is all about. It's finding men to do life with, to walk through the good and the bad, the ugly, and you've done it with just grace and poise. So, thank you for sharing that. Tell us a little bit about this idea of unique calling. There's a little bit of a play on words there. Explain that for our listening audience.

Dave Kobelin: Yeah. The organization that I work with specifically regarding that uniqueness, spells it Y-O-U-N-I-Q-U-E. So it takes and recognizes, and it comes from Ephesians 2:10 where we see that God knew us. He had a dream for each one of us, each individual from before he created the universe. He knew what his plan was for us, who he had designed and wired us to be, and the works that he had prepared beforehand for us to walk in. So what that does is it's the "you are unique". And they put that together and it's an incredible discovery of what that particular uniqueness is. And it is a tremendous opportunity. I experienced it myself and it has informed my life powerfully and helped me make decisions with much greater ease in many different areas of my life.

Warren Mainard: Yeah, that's great. You know, I'm sure you're familiar, Dave, with the old story of the man that goes out to chop down some trees in the forest and then there's a younger guy that's doing the same thing. And the first day, the younger guy chops down more trees than the older guy. Then the next day it's a little bit less. And then the day after that, the older guy chops down more. And then by the end of the week, the older guy has chopped down far more. And kind of the moral of the story is the younger guy goes to the older guy and he says, "How did you do it?" And he says, "Well, did you sharpen your axe?" And the younger man said, "No, I never thought about that. I was so busy going after it, hacking away, hacking away. I never took time to sharpen my axe."

Dave Kobelin: Excellent illustration.

Warren Mainard: And that seems a lot like what you're focused on is helping men and women to figure out how to sharpen their axe, how to identify: what am I here for? What are my gifts, my passions, my skills, and how do those coalesce to make me the most effective that I can be?

Dave Kobelin: That's really true. And it combines with that aspect of clarity too. Because when you become clear about your unique design, then everything gets easier. And I always give the illustration that I wear these [glasses] when I drive, or if I need to see something far away. But if I'm going to drive, everyone else wants me to have these [glasses] on because I can see where I'm going. I see who's coming at me. I am much safer. I am much, I know I have much more confidence in driving. And that really is the way that clarity works. I know we've talked before and my favorite saying about clarity is: "Clarity isn't everything, but clarity changes everything." Once you get clarity, it changes your perspective, it changes and it helps you make decisions in this context. And I'll... my, in fact here, since it's here, I see it. Let me just show it to you. This is the notebook that Younique uses, and it's about a nine month process, if you do it as a cohort. I took it as a week. But it added to this sense of, it was an incredible confirmation for me of who I am. I've always said, "I'm a pastor," and I said, "If you cut me, I bleed pastor." Just because I love people, I love the Lord. I want to help people be who they were supposed to be. But what this did is this brought it even more clear to where I can identify. And they say it this way: your unique calling in life. Why you exist and are on the planet, is both knowable and it's nameable. And that's what it does. It helps you know what it is. Name it. So as you move forward, you have clarity to make decisions in this context. So now, my two words that I use to help inform me are restoring identity, both my own and other people's. I am here to help restore them to the identity that they were uniquely created to have. So whenever any situation presents itself to me, I'm asking, there's tons of things that I can do. I've been an accountant. I have been a manager for an office in Maui... a doctor's office. All tons of things I can do. But what this has done is it helped me know what I must do. And there's a huge difference. 'Cause when I'm doing, when we're doing what we must do, we're going to be much more fruitful, much more productive, much happier, much more satisfied, and we're going to be an incredibly greater blessing to those that we're called to serve.

Warren Mainard: Yeah, I love that. I mean, and I think at the beginning of the year, it's a time for people to reset. It's a time for people to hopefully reflect on what 2020 meant for them and what their goals and dreams are for 2021.

Dave Kobelin: Absolutely.

Warren Mainard: So really getting that clarity is so important. And I love that you talked about identity because I think that really what we do is an outflow of who we are. You know and I've heard it said that whether you're talking to a high school student or a retired man or woman in their seventies, their life really still comes down to three things: identity, belonging, and purpose. Identity: who am I?

Dave Kobelin: Yeah.

Warren Mainard: Belonging: who are my people? And purpose: can I make a difference? And when you think about those three things, all of those require some process of gaining clarity. The world, the influences in our life, whether it's parents, whether it's peers, whether it's the media. They're all trying to tell us what those different things are supposed to be for us. This is your identity. This is who you're supposed to be. This is who you're supposed to belong to. This is what you're supposed to do with your life. But to really figure out how to discover what God's intent, the divine intention for your life, takes a process. How do people begin to work through and walk out that kind of a discovery process?

Dave Kobelin: I think the first part of it is, you need to be aware that you need to. And so many people aren't because of just exactly what you've said: we have listened to others. We've listened to the world, we've listened to the media, we've listened to our educational system to tell us what our identity is. And most of the time, and especially as men, it is centered around what we say our success looks like and who we let define success. And most of the time that comes means job, things that we've accomplished, things we own or have, or things we can point to that say, this is what I have done. And the interesting thing is when we let that define us, then we're always going to be disappointed, because there's always more. There's always someone who does better. And, interesting fact, CEOs of major corporations, large, large organizations; when, if they ever retire, many of them won't, but if they do, many of them die within two years because they lose their sense of identity. 'Cause their job was their identity and they lose their sense of purpose, as you mentioned. So the first step in it is recognizing I need to discover who I really am and what was my created purpose. And understanding that the One we need to go to for that is the One who created us. And when we get that, then we can begin to ask Him what it is. And there are great processes to do that. One of the first things that we do, in Younique too, is we actually take a look at our story. We look back at our life, and depending on where you're at, for me, I've got 60 years of life. And when I took time, because few people ever actually look at their story and study it and think about it. Fewer still interpret your story and look at what your story is informing you about who you are and how God has created you. And then fewer still even take that and then inscribe it and implement it into moving forward. Because if you become aware of your story and how you have been shaped and developed by God, you then can take it and look forward and say, I begin to understand to a much greater degree now where I am supposed to be going. So I think a lot of it is that you have to recognize it. And then the first step that, that I would encourage is taking time to review your story and what that informs you about who you are.

Warren Mainard: Yeah. That's great, Dave, and I've been blessed to have some guides over the years who have been able to help me process parts of my story. And what those things that are passions and giftings. What is the... maybe just try to explain like, what is the importance of having an outside guide, having a coach, having someone to come alongside of you and ask you the right questions and help you begin to interpret your story in a right and meaningful way?

Dave Kobelin: Yeah. Great. Great question. And again, why I'm doing what I'm doing as a clarity coach and helping people discover that is I have found that when I am able to help somebody not have to generate everything. And I think it's, the thing I have found, is when I'm the one who's able to ask the questions, when I'm the one, and that I'm able to kind of guide the process, it allows a freedom to come forth that isn't there. If I'm always having that: what do I think about next? What do I have to do? What might this be? How can I get this? When I'm able to say, "All right, man, talk to me." And those questions are generated, it allows my brain to actually be much freer and unencumbered so that the creativity can come forth. And a lot of what I do as a coach too, is based on the neuroscience of the brain. And we go take through guided processes that actually take you into an element that allows the creativity, the creative part of your brain to fully engage and vision and see, and understand things more clearly. So it's just like any professional athlete would tell you that their trainer doesn't do it for them. And that's the thing I love about coaching is I don't do anything. I don't give advice. I don't give counsel. I simply help people discover what's already inside. And I'll tell you the coolest thing that I love, and it happens consistently when I coach with people, is we go into the session. We discover there's some, there's these awakening moments. There's these creative "oh my gosh, ahas." We come out, we get clarity around where to move forward. And people will stop and say, "Darn, I am really smart." And I go, "Yeah, you really are." And we are. And a lot of times it's also, Warren, quite honestly, finding somebody who believes in you, because most of the time we have self-doubt. We're our own worst critic. We come up with a dream and right away we shoot it down because, "No, I couldn't. No." I feel, I did that. But when you've got someone that's coming alongside that's just saying, "Dude, do it. Open it up. That's awesome. Fantastic. Keep going. What's there more? How can it be accomplished? What do you think?" All of a sudden you find yourself like, yeah, I can. And it's a phenomenal experience.

Warren Mainard: Absolutely. Absolutely. I think about, so I'm a tennis player, a tennis fan. Grew up playing tennis and played through college. And in my opinion, the greatest tennis player of all time is Roger Federer. And, no one in my opinion, has ever been a better tennis player than Roger Federer. And yet Roger has a coach. See, I think sometimes we think that getting a coach is some sort of a sign of weakness. It's an admission that you know that you're not good at what you're doing, but the best of the best of the best have coaches. And there's incredible value in that. But let's talk not only about coaches...

Dave Kobelin: Yeah.

Warren Mainard: ...but also about cohorts.

Dave Kobelin: Yes!

Warren Mainard: So with a coach, you've got that one-on-one, you've got that very specific training and process that you go through. But what's the value of being in a cohort? What's the value of going through some of these processes with some other people who are pursuing similar goals?

Dave Kobelin: Oh, there's nothing that can beat it because we were made for community. As you well know, that's part of our uniqueness is our uniqueness needs to be expressed in the midst of community, in the midst of those that are like-minded, in the midst of those that are going through similar things that we are or who have been through them, a place where we can really be authentic and be ourselves, and to be able to express the joys, the sorrows, all of the confusion that we might be facing. I think quite honestly, that's been one of the most difficult, challenging, and destructive things that has happened in the last year is our inability to have close community in person with one another because we so desperately need it. And again, the cohorts I've been a part of with IMPACT last year (it was just last year, it was a year before too, I can't remember), but just the sense of being able to come together, laugh together, talk, just be ourselves together and then begin to discuss things in a safe place where we know what we share is going to be heard, it's going to be respected, that's going to be prayed for. And when we can, where we can really encourage and pause and give each other advice and help, and most importantly, support. Which, as when we walked through the challenges we walked through, your friendship and your support, you were the first one to call and say, "What can I bring over?" And that was just such an incredible blessing to us. And so, again, we we need that. The Bible says, there's a scripture says, what is it? "A man who isolates himself rages against all wise judgment." And I think we get in trouble when we isolate and we need to intentionally involve others because of all of the incredible benefits it brings.

Warren Mainard: Thanks, Dave. So you touched on that idea of isolation, and that has been a massive challenge for so many men, women, for a lot of us who have teenage kids. They're struggling with issues related to isolation. And I think that the key to overcoming isolation right now is intention.

Dave Kobelin: Yes.

Warren Mainard: You've got to be intentional if you want to overcome isolation. And that means looking at your calendar and setting aside times in your week to engage in community, to engage with other people, because those relationships really do become a lifeline. But not only that, as we talked about this idea of cohorts, is it really becomes the place to process the things that you are learning, the things that you're trying to grow in, and there's a place for accountability in a cohort or in a group of people who are pursuing the same goals with you in an intentional way. So as we, kind of turn our attention now to January 21st, our first IMPACT Players cohort, excuse me, first IMPACT Players breakfast gathering of the year. What can our men expect as they prepare for that morning?

Dave Kobelin: I think we're going to, as always, have fun, great food. I know that. We are in food, right? We are in breakfast.

Warren Mainard: We are and bacon is definitely on the menu.

Dave Kobelin: Bacon is? Oh, well then that's really, once we get to the bacon, everything else is just, what is it? Just putting on...

Warren Mainard: It's gravy.

Dave Kobelin: Gravy. That's it. Gravy. I knew it was something you put on top.

Warren Mainard: It's biscuits and gravy.

Dave Kobelin: Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then as always, fellowship. When we get a chance to see one another, and I think as you just mentioned, that is becoming more and more and more important. And then what I'm going to be talking about is just what we've been talking about, is that sense of gaining clarity as we move forward. The importance of it, the value of it, as well as the value of understanding how you unique we are. And then, providing some tools, some ideas, some things that the men are going to be able to use moving forward to step into that, as well as giving opportunity for them to do it with one another and providing opportunity for that to begin to happen. I think what a great, great thing it would be if all of us commit to be intentional about moving forward together in 2021.

Warren Mainard: That's great. Well, before we close, I just want to give a little testimonial for those that are listening or watching this podcast. Like I said, I've been friends with Dave for a few years. Dave and I first met through IMPACT Players when both of us were just regular dudes attending the Breakfast together and began to connect. And I remember, Dave, one time, we ended up running into each other at a SAMBICA event. And my family was playing mini golf and you came over and said hello. And just to see that relationship grow to where it is today is so cool. But, as some of you may know, as a part of my story, at the beginning of 2020, I was working for a different organization, was not expecting, like all of us certainly, was not expecting what happened in 2020 to transpire. But in May of 2020, I lost my position due to budget cuts related to Covid, and went into a season of really seeking clarity about what I was supposed to do next. Like you talked about, Dave, I knew there were a lot of things I could do. I knew there were a lot of places I could go, but I wanted to know what am I meant to do? What am I called to do? And you and I sat down, we did some sessions together online and I just want to give as a testimony that the process that you took me through was very much instrumental in helping me to determine that the next step for me and my family was for me to take this opportunity with IMPACT Players. To allow that to be a place where my gifts and experiences and passions could come together. And I'm just grateful for that. And so my hope is is that other men would be able to benefit in the same way that I have from you. And I'm really excited about having you come and speak at our breakfast on January 21st. For those that may end up listening to this after that is over, let those who are listening, let the men know: how can they get in touch with you? What can they do to follow up with you on a personal basis if there's an interest to do that?

Dave Kobelin: Yeah, if there is, I would be more, I'd love to get a chance to meet with them. One of the things I always do to help people gain an understanding of what I do as a Clarity Coach is my first session is always complimentary, and it's a great way to experience it. If you are interested in that, I'd imagine, Warren, in this somewhere, you could just put, my phone number and my email for them to be able to see as they're looking at that. If not, it's (360) 929-1845. And my email is [email protected]. And I would love to, and it was a pleasure, Warren, like I said, working with you, being able to see. And, and it's obvious that you stepped into the place where you're supposed to be. And that is probably some of my greatest satisfaction, quite honestly, is seeing people step into who they were created to be and using all their giftings and calling to serve and bless others. And you're doing that faithfully, great to see you in this position.

Warren Mainard: Thank you, Dave. Thank you to everybody who has listened. I will put your contact information in our show notes for the podcast and for the YouTube video. So, if you have any questions about that you can reach out to me, reach out to Dave, but we hope to see you...

Dave Kobelin: Yeah!

Warren Mainard: ...at our next breakfast gathering, either in person or online, whatever you're most comfortable with. But I want to say thank you, Dave, for being on this show with me. Thank you to everybody else who's been a part of this IMPACT Players journey, and we hope that you'll stick around for many more IMPACT Players podcasts in the future. With that, this is Warren and I'm signing off. Thank you, Dave!

Dave Kobelin: You're welcome! Thank you!