About This Episode - 

We all get detoured, but how do we correct the trajectory that we're on? How do we prioritize in our already busy and overfull lives? Today's podcast episode focuses on what it looks like to shift our focus and think about those marks we hit when we are at our best. Special guest Gary Chupik of Elite Mindset Nation joins Warren Mainard, Executive Director of IMPACT Players, as they discuss how to track your momentum and overcome failure.

Gary is the founder of Elite Mindset Nation and Gary Chupik Leadership. If you would like to reach out to Gary, you can visit elitemindsetnation.com or garychupik.com. You can also find Gary on Instagram: elitemindset. Or on Facebook: Gary Chupik Leadership Coaching or Elite Mindset. You can also email Gary at [email protected].

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Show Notes -

• Mike Howerton: Whole Life Excellence

Transcript - 

Warren Mainard: Hello, and welcome to the IMPACT Players Podcast. This is the Linking Shields podcast, part of the IMPACT Players network of podcasts. I'm your host, Warren Mainard. And today with us a special guest, Gary Chupik from Elite Mindset. Gary, thanks for joining us today. 

Gary Chupik: A pleasure to be here. 

Warren Mainard: Well, Gary, before we dive into our topic today, just a little word to all of our listeners out there. This is for us a little bit of a reset with the podcast. We had it going on for a while, took a break from it. But now as we're in the middle of preparing for a new launch with IMPACT Players, launching our digital online platform, entering into the 23/24 season, we're going to really double down on this podcast. And we've kind of broken the podcast up into some different shows. So we'll be offering a Chalk Talk once a month where I'll be going through and teaching on some small lessons for men and for husbands and fathers and leaders. And then, we'll have our IMPACT Talk, which are recap from our monthly IMPACT breakfast speakers. We're going to be introducing a new show called The Band of Brothers Show, which will be a live interactive show with men who are a part of our IMPACT Players program. And then the one that we're on today, which is the Linking Shields podcast. And to me, this is probably the most true of all of the podcast type that we're going to be offering. It's an interview setting with somebody that is coming with a lot of experience and insight on issues and areas of expertise that are important to men. And so today, before we talk about today's subject of course corrections, share a little bit about yourself, Gary, and the work that you do with Elite Mindset. 

Gary Chupik: Well, thank you for that introduction, Warren. Yeah, happy to be with you. I think we've done this one other time. And so anytime you get invited back to a show, that's a good sign. So... 

Warren Mainard: Absolutely. 

Gary Chupik: So I haven't been banned. 

Warren Mainard: No. In fact, you're our first repeat customer, so congratulations. 

Gary Chupik: That's awesome. That's awesome. Thank you. So I own a company called Elite Mindset Mental Performance Training, and I work with professional and college athletes and teams and work with high performers in business. And so I, it just really quickly, I just unlock people for performance and I help them with their mindset and their mental skills. And so I've had the privilege of working with lots of great people, lots of great athletes, and lots of great businesses. So, yeah, it's the best job in the world. 

Warren Mainard: Absolutely. And I can attest, I've been one of your customers, clients before. It's been transformative for me. I love to receive the Monday morning mindset text that you send out. So if guys at the end of the program, if they want to sign up for a free weekly text message, it's not long, it's just a brief thought to really get you going and get you started on the week. How do they get signed up for that free text message? 

Gary Chupik: Yeah, they can go to elitemindsetnation.com and right on the front page, it'll say Elite Mindset Nation and you can just join right there on that front page. 

Warren Mainard: Well, I encourage every single guy, this is a no-brainer. Go to the website, Elite Mindset Nation sign up for this text thread. I look forward to getting it 8:00 AM every Monday morning. It challenges me, it inspires me, and I often find myself thinking about it throughout the week, which I think that's a testament to a really good piece of content. So thank you for sharing that with us, Gary. We're going to talk a little bit today about the theme of course corrections. And I discovered that when you become a dad, you really kind of have two calendars that you find yourself living by. You've got the traditional calendar which starts January 1st, ends December 31st, and then you've got the school calendar. And in many ways, there's some unique starts and endings that take place with both of those calendars. And the summertime, many times for most of us men, is a time where we're spending more time with family, we're going on family vacations. We're maybe taking some time to reflect a little bit on our lives, where we're at in our career, where we're at in our family, where we're at in our marriage. So this seems like a great time to really think about this idea of course corrections. So Gary, maybe just kind of walk us down a path of what it looks like to pause and to reflect on where you are, and then where do you go from there if you're going to try to make some adjustments, whether it is in your career with your personal goals, with your health, or with your marriage, or your family, your finances. 

Gary Chupik: Yeah, it's funny you mentioned that. In the summertime, I tend to take more liberty with my diet just because it's the summertime, And so you kind of relax, you go on vacation and it's kind of like, I don't know about you or most guys, but you just kind of chill out in the summertime a little bit. And then as the fall begins to ramp up and you got, especially if you have kids that are going to school. Yeah, you kind of feel like, okay, I got to get back on schedule here. So, or on course. So, it's really interesting, why people sort of go get back on course or why they get on track again. It's really interesting. And one of the things that I've been doing in my own personal, I guess, professional time as well, because if you own your own business, there is no personal, and the line between personal professional is pretty blurry, but one of the things that I've been studying is why people change. And so the typical answers are pain and pleasure. Those are the two biggest ones. Pain being number one, pleasure being number two. But there's an interesting horse in the race right now and that's the one of the things that I'm really studying, which is curiosity. So like when, especially like when you're watching, let's say social media videos and let's say the very opening line is a question and it just draws your curiosity and so it's, so there's a point where you just say, I wonder what this person has to say about this. They're introducing the question, but they're also answering the question. So in the world of neuroscience, there was in 2009, there's a study out of, I think it's Caltech, and there were these research scientists who were neuroscientists who were studying the region of the brain that when they introduced a curious question, what areas of the brain would light up. And they found out that there was an area of the brain called the bilateral frontal cortex. And so it activates when there's an anticipation of an answer. So you might not even actually get the answer. It's just the anticipation of the answer that creates a dopamine hit. And so sometimes we just think in terms of pain and pleasure, but I think there's another horse in the race which is curiosity. And so as we think about course correcting, yeah, we might course correct from, because there's something pleasurable that's in front of us and so we want to course correct. We might course correct because we're feeling some type of pain or discomfort. And to the degree which we're feeling those things might motivate us to varying degrees. And then there's the curiosity piece. It's like, well, who could I become? Or what could I do if I followed this piece of advice or if I got my act together? And  what am I capable of? Is there some type of goal that I can reach? Is there an outcome that I'm looking for? And how would it help me to engage in the process of change so that I can achieve that outcome? So I know it's, I'm kind of splitting hairs here a little bit about why people change or why people would want to course correct. But, oftentimes it's probably, the vast majority of times are those three things. 

Warren Mainard: I love that. And I get excited when I think about that curiosity question because to me, that's just how I'm wired. I want to imagine. Our vision statement for IMPACT Players is inspiring men to be great husbands, fathers, and leaders by equipping them to thrive in the relationships that matter most. And I think that the power of curiosity is that it can flip a switch that really inspires us to dream, to imagine, to envision what we could be if these things can be lined up in our lives. So I think there's kind of this, maybe for me, I won't speak for every guy, but there can be a pain aspect of evaluation because I'm looking at it and I'm saying, okay, I had these goals, I had these dreams, I had these visions. Okay, yes, this is exciting. I was able to do this. I'm doing pretty well here. I'm doing pretty well here. But there's that pain of going, okay, I said I was going to do that, and I haven't done it. I'm off course here. I'm not getting it done in this area of my life. That hurts, but what if I flip the switch there? What if I flip the switch and I can turn that around? The summer for me is a great time to do that because it does feel like I'm a little bit at the halftime in the game of the year. And so for me, I can look at it and go, okay, let's go back to the chalkboard. What part of my personal game plan worked to start off at the beginning of the year? What's not working? And then, okay, how do I erase the board and maybe write up some new plays? So, Gary, you're a coach. You are a consultant. Certainly there's an aspect where a lot of this, you need to do in solitude. You need to do in moments of reflection. Getting out the journal, thinking, praying, talking to your spouse. Where might a coach or a consultant add value to the process of making some mid-year course corrections? 

Gary Chupik: Yeah, it's interesting. We could probably invite ChatGPT to on the podcast and type in that prompt. And I wonder what kind of answers that we would get? So I don't necessarily know all the technical answers, I suppose, that ChatGPT might, but I do have very practical ones that when I work with athletes or I work with people in business, I can tell you how I process these things. And so the very first thing for me is, are you on a course that you want to stay on? So there's, that's the first thing. It's like, okay, well, what's the logical conclusion of the course that you're on? So, for example, if you want to change a diet or start exercising, or there's some field of knowledge that you want to increase, what is the logical outcome of, or destination of the road that you're on? And oftentimes it's people are on a road, but they're just not quite aware of the destination. And so to help people become aware of the destination is a crucial aspect because is that what you really want? And that's a really good question to ask people is like, is this is the destination really where you want to be?

Warren Mainard: Yeah and the journey idea is, I think, a good one because we are on a journey and we're all going to have days, weeks, maybe even months where we're not able to cover the ground that we thought we were going to be able to cover. We get detoured, we have a breakdown on the side of the road. I mean, I can't tell you how many times I've tried to reinvigorate my health goals only to get sick the next week and just be like uh and I can't get this thing going the way that I want to. Or like you said, I'm trying to eat better, but then we're on vacation. And that kind of throws me off my game a little bit. But let's kind of continue a little bit with this idea of the journey and the road trip. And imagine with me, if you look at the dashboard of your life, you've got different gauges  and things that measure how well you're doing in different areas of your life. And we could certainly name a few obvious ones, like the marriage gauge in my life, the family gauge or parenting gauge, my career gauge. We've already mentioned health. It could be, how am I doing spiritually in my walk with God? So when we think about these course corrections, how do we take note of our gauges and dashboard of our lives? And what do we do when maybe we see, a light come on that we should be really taking care of, you know, addressing? 

Gary Chupik: This is an interesting question. A friend of mine named, which you know, Mike Howerton, he has a coaching program that he used to do I don't know if he still does it, called Whole Life Excellence. And so I just love the name, just the idea of it. 

Warren Mainard: Yeah. 

Gary Chupik: Like, how do I have excellence in every area of my life? And so for me, I call it domain management. So we know that in sports and in high performance sort of environments, we know that, and off the field, domain management affects how a player performs on the field. And so if we kind of take that approach to it, I think that a really great question to ask ourselves is: who am I And what am I doing when I'm at my best? So you talk about these different areas or domains like spirituality or physical fitness or relationships and family, your finances. I've identified eight or nine different categories, but who am I and what am I doing when I'm at my best? And so one of the things that I coach people through is to make two or three entries into each of those different categories. When I'm at my very best, this is what I'm doing. I call them vital signs. So just like that dashboard, right? And so what are the two or three things, no more than three in each of those categories, that when I'm at my best here is what I'm doing. And so we go through this entire exercise, and then at the near the end of the exercise, I will say, so let's take this red pen or marker, and let's circle all the ones that you're not presently doing, which is always sort of a sobering experience, right? You just look at that and you kind of go, oh man. And it's not really meant to shame the person, it's to bring to their awareness that they're not at their best. And that and the question is is can they be at their best in every area of their life? Can they have whole life excellence? And can they course correct? Because if they're aware of these areas, then they know what to fix. And so it's actually, and that, and I mean, it's actually interesting that those areas, those vital signs in each of those areas, they're actually not very big things. They're actually quite doable. For example, when it comes to my family and who am, who is Gary Chupik when he's at his best when it comes to his family or extended family? And so if I can only name three things, I would say, you know what, being in touch with my parents on a weekly basis is like when I'm at my best, I'm doing that. Number two, when I'm at my best, I'm taking my wife on a date on a weekly basis. Number three might be touching bases with each of my kids on a weekly basis. And so there you go. There's my three things. So when I'm at my best, that's what I'm doing. And then you just go to the next category. And so you can identify those areas that when you are at your very best, these are the things that you're doing, and it just kind of puts some targets up there for you to shoot at. 

Warren Mainard: So practical, so helpful. So guys, take this as your assignment, your growth challenge from this podcast. If you are serious about making some course corrections in your life during these summer months, maybe turning the corner into the school year, into the final stretch of 2023, write out that dashboard. Pick the four to seven or so priorities that you have in your life. These are the things that matter to you. And write down underneath each of those four to seven priorities when I am at my best. And then give two to three concrete measurable statements that define the behaviors and the attitudes that you have when you are firing on all cylinders. And then, Gary, would it be wise to maybe try to rate yourself on where you're at right now in each of those areas? Is there value in kind of giving yourself a green, yellow, red, or a one through 10 ranking?

Gary Chupik: I think there is because what you want to do is you want to be able to track your momentum. So if you go, let's say you do one through 10, which I like to do, by the way. That's my preferred method. If I'm at a three, but I'm heading in the right direction, so my momentum is toward the positive. I can feel pretty good about that. I'm like, way to go, Gary, keep going. Like you just practicing self talk. If I'm holding and there it is just sort of a neutral, I'm not really terribly okay with neutral. Sometimes you just can't address everything and you can't have momentum in every area, but it kind of depends what's, what the topic is and how many things I'm changing. And sometimes neutral is okay, and sometimes it's not, but it can be neutral. So you can have, you can be at a five and be neutral and it be okay. So yeah, I think it is helpful. If you have negative momentum in an area, you just naming it out loud and bringing it to the surface can say, all right, I want to stop that negative momentum and I need to make some type of adjustment. The really cool thing about this exercise is we as guys are so self-critical about everything and one of the primary questions that we ask ourselves as dads and husbands and business partners and employees or employers, is that we say: am I good enough? And what I like about this exercise is is it's not really paying too much attention to that question of "Am I good enough?" All it's really asking is who am I when I'm at my best? And maybe you were at your best for 10 minutes, or a different season of your life. And so it's just an invitation to come on back to that season of your life or that skill or whatever it is that you had on those three points. It's just like, just come on back to it. Just revisit it and come on back. And it's so non-shaming and non guilting. It's just an invitation. And so it feels, the tone of it feels very different when you think of it that way. 

Warren Mainard: That's awesome. All right , Gary, before we wrap up, this is the last thing. I'm going to put you on the spot just a little bit here. I know you're a big sports fan. I know that you work with coaches, you're a coach at heart. So I want you to take about one or two minutes and you're stepping into the locker room with all the men who are listening and will listen to this podcast episode. And I want you to give them your coach's talk. Talk directly to the men, give them your coach's talk for what they need to know, believe, and understand about themselves and about this task that's been put before them to make the course corrections necessary to be the husband, the father, the leader that they can be. 

Gary Chupik: Man, that is... you are putting me on the spot. This is like walking into the  to the coaches room or walking into the training room and talking to guys, right?

Warren Mainard: Coach Gary, you're handed the whistle, you're handed the clipboard. Go for it. 

Gary Chupik: Well, the very first thing I would address and say, listen, like you got to believe. You are the chief belief officer of your life. If you don't believe that you can get better, if you don't believe that you can make a difference in all these different domains of your life, then you're actually never going to experience it. You have to believe because you can only live for so long trying to be the person that you desire to be or want to be or have an ambition to be. But ultimately it's an identity issue, and you have to live out of the overflow of who you are and what you believe. And so the very first question is, is do you believe that you can get better? Do you believe that you have what it takes? That if you put into practice the training that you receive, do you believe that you can get better and be better? And it all starts with belief. And so the very first question I have to ask you is, what do you believe? The second question is, how badly do you want it? Because if you don't really want it, it doesn't really matter what you believe, but you have to really want it. You have to be willing to make adjustments and changes in your life. You have to be willing to change your routine. You have to be willing to prioritize. You have to be willing to not take some meetings. Not to have some clients or be distracted by things. You have to really decide whether you want it or not and how badly that you want it. And if you want it badly, you'll prioritize that over everything else in your life. But that is when you'll hit the pay dirt. That's when you're going to hit the oil reserves that are way down in the ground, because if you're spread too thin, you'll never hit that oil. But if you drill down deep, long enough and hard enough, you are actually going to hit and make those changes. And so the fear I think for a lot of guys is that if I really try really hard, am I going to fail? Am I going to be good enough? And the reality is, is that we really don't know. But I can tell you this, that he who doesn't try, it fails. He who doesn't try fails. In fact, if you're not failing on a regular basis, you're not trying hard enough. There's an emotional block toward failure. And so you just have to see and view failure as neutral. It's nothing but neutral. And it doesn't matter what kind of failure that you experience in your life, it just, if you view it in neutral, then you will be able to conquer that. And we tolerate so many negative things in our life and so many gorillas on our back. And I think we have a culture that says, well we just have to manage or cope with who our weaknesses. You know, I don't believe in coping, I believe in killing. If there's a gorilla on your back that you have to get off, you got to kill that thing so that you can move on with your life. And so the question is, is which gorillas are on your back? So who are you? What do you want? How badly do you want it? And are you willing to kill whatever's holding you back?

Warren Mainard: Let's go, let's go. I love it. Well done. Well, Gary, I believe I'm ready to run through that brick wall. I'm ready to kill the gorillas in my life. Men, I believe in you. We believe in you. Our faith tells us that greater is he who is in us than he who is in the world. We are more than conquerors. The battle belongs to the Lord. The war has been won. We are on the winning team. So there is no reason to not go out there and give 110% at being the man, the husband, the father, the leader that you want to believe that you can be. It's all there. It's waiting for you. Gary, thank you so much for being a part of this amazing episode of the Linking Shields podcast. Give the guys some details on how they can connect with you, whether it's through your website, email, social media, how can they best connect and follow what you're doing?

Gary Chupik: Yeah, yeah. Thank you for that. People can follow me on Instagram. That's where I'm most active because that's where most coaches are watching their players. And so that's where I spend most of my time is on Instagram at Elite Mindset. And you can see my name or face and logo there. And then I'm on all the different social media at Elite Mindset. And Elite Mindset Nation is my website. And the reason why I call it a "nation" is because I want to just, I want to create a nation of high performers with high integrity and high character who want to change their world. So that's why I call it the nation. So Elite Mindset Nation is the website and Elite Mindset on Instagram, and people can email me at [email protected]. 

Warren Mainard: Well, Gary, thank you again for joining us. Guys, thank you for being a part of this podcast with us. We encourage you to visit us on our website at impactplayers.org to learn more about IMPACT Players and the valuable resources that we offer for men. Stay tuned for more inspiring conversations and remember to make the necessary course corrections to thrive in the relationships that matter most. Also, do us a big favor and subscribe to this show in your favorite podcast app and on our YouTube page, and help us get the word out by giving us a five star rating and an amazing review. We've got a lot of exciting things coming right down the pike for IMPACT Players. So be sure to join our mailing list, follow us on Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn. And thank you for being a part of the IMPACT Players community. Gary, God bless you. Thank you for serving men, making a difference. Your life is a testimony to the power of an IMPACT Player. Thanks for joining us.